we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
