there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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