Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
