there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
