You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize