did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
