My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
