I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
