Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This is my gift to your gina
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
