I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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