There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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