Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
