is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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