Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
In America we eat man semen.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The air taste purple.
Randomize