i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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