I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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