hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
