i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
