If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
