There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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