She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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