put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
