I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
