so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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