you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
