the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
