She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
