How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
