if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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