Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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