I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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