Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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