ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My pussy is not your playground.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
