This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
