Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
