8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
