Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
