Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
