no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
