Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
