3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My breasts were aching with rage.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
