There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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