If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
