Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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