You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
