Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize