I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
