test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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