Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
