All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
