When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
