Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
