Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
