i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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