Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
