I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Say something about gay babies.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
