At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
did you just send me my own nude
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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