Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
