Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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