Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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