You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
