I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
