You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
