Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
