You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize